A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst
way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe
you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps,
set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he
spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water,
shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator
swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the
blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
The blondes applauded
Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For a few agonizing moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded
The bastard called back
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a skirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh, dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"
"The bastard called back!"
Because I want to stay up here with you
A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a "lovers point" where they started making out. After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her, "Do you want to go in the back seat?"
"NO!" she answered.
Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to go in the back seat?"
"NO!" she answers again.
Soon he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want to go in the back seat NOW?" he asks again.
"NO!" she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he demands "Well, why not!"
"Because I want to stay up here with you!"
You have a broken nail
A blonde went to the doctor and told him that everywhere she touched herself it hurt.
Upon examination, the doctor said, "Your not sick. You have a broken nail..."
I'm sick and tired of you insulting
One day a ventriloquist was giving a performance with his dummy. Through the dummy, the ventriloquist began to rip into blondes with one blonde joke after another.
The mostly male audience enjoyed the act. In the middle of the act, however, a young blonde way in the back stood and began to shout.
"You listen to me, mister. I'm sick and tired of you insulting blondes! It's guys like you that give us a bad name. Thanks to guys like you, we've been labeled as nothing but a bunch of dumb sluts, and I've had it!"
Now totally embarrassed, the ventriloquist began to apoligize to the blonde, but she interrupted him.
"You stay out of this mister. This is between me and that fella on your knee."
Mr.Lee,a fat blond man
Mr. Lee, a fat blond man, was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him in a diet.
The doctor said, "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this
procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll
have lost at least five pounds."
When Mr. Lee returned for the next visit, he shocked the
doctor by losing nearly 60 pounds!
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow
my instructions?"
Mr. Lee nodded. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"You mean from hunger?"
"No, from skipping."
How do I get home,sincn I am now 300 miles away
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.
The doctor said she should run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after 30
days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost
the pesky 20 pounds.
She then phoned the doctor and thanked him for the
wonderful advice that produced such results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked, "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
Why are you throwing those nails away
Two
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